this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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