My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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