I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
