Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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