Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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