i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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