awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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