So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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