im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
