I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
