how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we made out on top of his cat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
