Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
