Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
