Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
