remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
