I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
