I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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