Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
