you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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