Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
