you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
