I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
