He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
