This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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