I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
