I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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