Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
