I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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