Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
