I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
