look no pants
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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