I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
