if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
