Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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