Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
