I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
