i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
