So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
