OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
