I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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