Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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