I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
