He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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