So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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