guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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