I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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