my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
