I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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