Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
