i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
