Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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