normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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