if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
