end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize