I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
