she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
