you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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