dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am spending my child support on dildos
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
