would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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