i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
