I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
