i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize