In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
