he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
