that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
