he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did i walk over a car last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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