if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
