He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are my feet made of real feet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
