i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
