i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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