I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
