what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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