I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
