Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
