I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
