i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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