You really coming over, don't trick.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
