An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
