my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
