Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
