The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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