I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
