apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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