You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i've created a new STD.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
